Orlando Trauma Therapist Shares: What's Behind "Daddy Issues"
Orlando Trauma Therapist Shares: What's Behind "Daddy Issues"
Written by: Lauran Hahn, LMHC
I’m Lauran Hahn, LMHC an Orlando Therapist specializing in helping people recover from toxic relationships and improving their attachment styles. It's my passion to help those who have experienced trauma and anxiety. As the owner of Mindful Living Counseling Orlando, I take great care to provide a safe space where you can find the support you need to heal from your trauma.
Recently, I was asked to share my thoughts on the root cause of "daddy issues." This made me reflect on how the term itself carries a negative connotation and fails to accurately describe the challenges faced in relationships with a father figure, especially for women.
As you know “Daddy issues” is a term that has become popular in modern culture. It has been used to describe women who have unresolved emotional issues stemming from their relationship with their dads. This term is steeped in negative stereotypes and can be used to undermine women and convey a message that women are unstable or damaged.
The truth is, we all carry into adulthood a relationship template based on how we interacted with our early caregivers. This is called our attachment style. If you were lucky enough to have caregivers that were dependable and not overbearing then you likely emerged from childhood with what is called “secure attachment.” With secure attachment, you are more likely to have confidence in yourself and trust your partner. These traits typically lead to healthy relationships in adulthood.
As an Orlando Trauma therapist, I understand the importance of healing early attachment wounds as a part of creating the way for healthy relationships.
People who had difficult relationships with their caregivers will often develop an insecure attachment style as an adult. This can create challenges in the romance department as an adult. There are three types of insecure attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, and Dismissive. In this post, I'll be discussing anxious attachment, one of the three types of insecure attachment styles. This attachment style is often associated with the phrase I mentioned earlier, "daddy issues".
Anxious Attachment
The attachment style most related to the term “daddy issues” is the Anxious type. This attachment style is characterized by a fear of abandonment and a need for validation. This can come across as needy and clinging. People with this attachment style struggle with low self-esteem and they feel insecure in relationships. They seek a lot of reassurance to ensure their partner is still into them.
Let’s zoom out a bit and explore what early life looked like for someone with Anxious Attachment.
With this attachment style, parents were not consistently available physically or emotionally. As children, they were concerned about whether or not their parents would be there for them or be able to provide for them. These folks experienced abandonment or rejection by one or both parents, so they became preoccupied with whether or not they would get their needs met in childhood. In some cases, they may have learned to take care of their caregivers so their caregivers could take care of them.
As an adult, this translates into being preoccupied with their partners and seeking reassurance. Anxious Attachment impacts all genders and sexual preferences because it is based on early relationship dynamics with caregivers. As a therapist, I have worked with gay and straight males and females struggling with the Anxious Attachment style.
Tips for Healing Your Attachment Style
If you haven’t already, determine your attachment style. There are plenty of assessments you can take online. This will help develop self-awareness of how your attachment style is creating distress within yourself and your relationship. I recommend practicing self-soothing techniques so that you can work to manage your emotions rather than depending on your partner. This will allow you to feel more empowered and less dependent on your partner.
Practice self-compassion for the struggle involved in having an Anxious Attachment style. Validate for yourself how difficult it can feel to be swept away by insecurity and anxiety. Offer yourself kind words like you would a good friend going through a similar struggle.
Communicate with our partner. Use “I” statements when discussing your feelings. This helps alleviate any blame placed on your partner. Come up with a plan for how your partner can best support you when you are feeling anxious and unsettled.
Earned Secure Attachment
The good news is insecure attachment styles can change over time. It is absolutely possible to heal the wounds that caused the Anxious Attachment style. Healing insecure attachment styles is called Earned Secure Attachment and can happen organically or in therapy.
With sustained positive experiences in a healthy relationship, people with Anxious Attachment can learn to trust in the consistency of their partner which will help them to be less anxious.
If someone would like to work on their attachment style before getting into a committed relationship, they can certainly do so in counseling with a therapist who specializes in healing early attachment trauma. The focus of therapy will be healing the relational wounds that caused anxiety and lack of trust. I’ve also written a blog post about attachment styles that might be helpful to further delve into how attachment styles impact romantic relationships.
To learn what your attachment style is take this short quiz to Discover Your Attachment Style.
Interested in Trauma Therapy Orlando to Work on Your Attachment Style?
If anything in this blog has struck a chord with you, please keep in mind that you don't have to face it alone. The team of therapists at Mindful Living Counseling in Orlando are fully equipped to support you in managing your trauma and any other therapy-related concerns you may have. To begin working with one of our dedicated trauma counselors, please don't hesitate to reach out.
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Not Quite Ready for Trauma Therapy?
Mindful Living Counseling Orlando has a team of therapists who specialize in helping with trauma. If you have any questions before making your first call, know that our highly trained experts will provide you with effective tools to overcome any anxieties. To learn more about trauma therapy, check out the articles below.
Additional Trauma Therapy Orlando Resources
Baffled by Your Relationship Patterns? Allow Me to Shed Some Light
4 Qualities of a Healthy Relationship
Is Arguing Healthy in a Relationship? Insights from an Orlando Therapist
5 Signs You’re Healing from Trauma
Other Trauma Therapy Services Offered at Mindful Living Counseling in Orlando
At Mindful Living Counseling, we recognize that can be a difficult obstacle to overcome trauma, but we understand that there may be other challenges as well. That's why we provide a range of therapy services, such as Anxiety therapy, EMDR therapy, Eating Disorder Therapy, and Teen Therapy, as well as Guided Meditations. If you have any inquiries, don't hesitate to contact us.
About Orlando Therapist Lauran Hahn
Meet Lauran Hahn, LMHC! She's a licensed therapist in Orlando who specializes in helping people deal with anxiety and recover from toxic relationships. She's also a Certified EMDR therapist and an EMDRIA Approved EMDR Consultant. When she's not busy with clients, Lauran loves spending time with her loved ones (both human and furry!) at the beach.