Orlando Therapist: How to Deal with Passive-Aggressive People

Orlando Therapist: How to Deal with Passive-Aggressive People

Written by: Lauran Hahn, LMHC

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and walked away scratching your head thinking, “What just happened? That felt oddly aggressive.” If so, you’ve likely been on the receiving end of subtle jabs or hidden insults. This is known as passive-aggressive communication and it is like a cancer in relationships.

Passive-aggressive communication erodes trust, increases tension, and creates emotional distance between people, making it impossible to form a healthy relationship.

As an Orlando therapist who specializes in helping individuals heal from and break free from toxic relationships, my role is to assist people in responding to passive-aggressive behaviors as well as recognize their own tendency toward passive-aggressive communication.

Through therapy, I work with individuals to identify and understand patterns of indirect expression, helping them take ownership of their behaviors and make positive changes.

As an Orlando Therapist, I support my clients in identifying when others are being passive-aggressive. I provide guidance and tools, and I empower individuals to navigate and respond effectively to this behavior.

By increasing their awareness, they can develop healthier communication strategies and avoid being drawn into destructive relationship dynamics. My ultimate goal is to raise awareness and promote healthy communication, enabling individuals to break free from the cycle of passive aggression and cultivate more fulfilling connections. Through therapy, individuals can gain the necessary insights and skills to build stronger, more authentic relationships based on open and honest expression.

Passive-aggressive Explained

At the core of being passive-aggressive is the inability to own their needs as well as a fear of conflict. The passive-aggressive person will not be direct about what they need or how they are feeling, and will therefore opt for ambiguous ways to communicate. The discord they feel internally will come out “sideways” through their nonverbal communication. The receiver will feel the incongruence of what the person is saying and how they are saying it.

Common signs someone is being passive-aggressive:

• They will say one thing, but their tone, body language, and prosody communicate the opposite.

• They will be sarcastic and make jabs that are hurtful, but hide it under comments like, “It was just a joke.”

• They will often come across as the victim to avoid taking responsibility for their own needs, wants, and desires.

• They will avoid sharing information about what is important to them but then say, “You should have known” when they get upset.

• They can withdraw and give silent treatment to punish or evoke care from someone else.

• They can hold grudges for long periods of time building resentment and then exploding over something minor.

• They can be manipulative as a way to indirectly get their needs met.

• They can procrastinate as a way to avoid doing things someone else has asked them to do.

• They can be critical finding fault in people, places, and experiences having an overall air of negativity.

It’s important to get to the core of what is underlying passive-aggressive communication, which is two-fold. First, understanding that everyone has individual needs, wants, and desires and it is perfectly acceptable to own them and express them. And second - Even if it feels like conflict, it’s easier in a relationship to share your individual needs, wants, and desires directly at the moment than to harbor resentment for not getting what you need.

Moving away from passive-aggressive communication will feel uncomfortable in the beginning. Make space for that discomfort and know that a little uneasiness up front will save the relationship from being damaged in the end. Check out this guided meditation for dealing with difficult people.

How to Respond When Someone is Passive-aggressive Toward You

I have created a little formula for responding when if seems as though someone is being indirect or passive-aggressive in some way.

1. Clearly state in a nonjudgmental and non-blaming tone the behavior you are noticing. It could be a tone, a facial expression, or the words used.

2. Share how it made you feel when you experienced the behavior.

3. Ask them what happened for them.

Use the template below to help you respond when you believe someone is being passive-aggressive.

1. I notice _____________ in your tone.

• harshness

• pointedness

• Sharpness

• Edginess

• Jaggedness

• Disapproval

• Rigidness

• Criticism

• Abruptness

• Bluntness

2. I felt _________ when I heard that. 

• confused

• An impulse to withdraw 

• Desire to avoid

• Hurt

• Surprised

• Curious

• Taken aback

• Perplexed

3. I am wondering what is happening for you.

This approach simply states the facts about what happened for you and invites your counterpart to share what was happening for them internally.

If on the other hand, you struggle with responding in a passive-aggressive manner, follow the tips below.

Tools for moving away from Passive-aggressive Communication toward Assertive Communication:

• Take time to understand how you are feeling about something and ask yourself what you need, want, and desire in a situation.

• Know that your needs, feelings, and wants are your responsibility and unless they are communicated, no one else will know how to meet your needs.

• Be direct with your expectations, hopes, feelings, needs, and desires, even when it feels uncomfortable.

• Use “I” statements to take ownership of how you’re feeling or what you need.

• Establish boundaries and know when you need to say, “no.”

• Practice negotiating needs and desires rather than saying yes and feeling resentful later.

• Practice self-compassion when learning this new skill. It can feel vulnerable to sharing your true feelings.

Interested in Therapy Orlando to help with your relationships?

The Orlando therapists at Mindful Living Counseling Orlando are here to support you in better understanding communication styles and any other therapy-related issues you may be experiencing. To begin working with one of our counselors who specializes in your needs:

1. Fill out our New Client Consultation Form

2. Schedule a consultation call with our Client Care Coordinator

3. Begin your healing journey!

Not Ready for Therapy Orlando?

We acknowledge that seeking assistance can be daunting and lead to anxiety. At Mindful Living Counseling Orlando, we want to assure you that our team of specialized therapists is here to help. Our highly trained experts are dedicated to providing you with effective tools to overcome any anxiety you may have.

Additional Therapy Orlando Relationship Resources

Is Arguing Healthy in a Relationship? Insights from an Orlando Therapist

Therapy Orlando: How to Validate Your Partner for Better Communication

Other Therapy Services Offered at Mindful Living Counseling Orlando

Mindful Living Counseling Orlando acknowledges that anxiety can be a significant hurdle, and we also recognize that other obstacles may present themselves. That's why we provide a range of therapy services, such as Trauma Therapy, EMDR therapy, Eating Disorder Therapy, and Teen Therapy, as well as Guided Meditations. If you have any inquiries, don't hesitate to contact us.

About Orlando Therapist Lauran Hahn

Let me introduce you to Lauran Hahn, LMHC, a therapist who has a genuine passion for helping people dealing with anxiety and recovering from toxic relationships! Lauran is a certified EMDR therapist and an EMDRIA Approved EMDR Consultant, and she applies her expertise to support her clients on their journey to recovery. When not at work, Lauran enjoys spending precious moments with her loved ones riding bikes, reading on the beach, practicing hot yoga, and snuggling with her furry pal, Opal.