Choose PEACE
Orlando Therapist Provides Mindfulness Tools for Emotional Triggers
You did it again. You got swept up in emotions and reacted like a jerk. Last time you got swept up in emotions, you promised yourself you wouldn’t overreact again. Even with a resolve to be better, you got hijacked by your own reaction again. And now you feel like total crap!
“Why can’t I just stop reacting like this?” you think to yourself, while metaphorically banging your head against the wall. Not only do you have the reaction to deal with, you now have to deal with the guilt and shame that comes out of another failed attempt to act differently.
As an anxiety and trauma therapist in Orlando, many of my clients struggle with being emotionally hijacked.
When the emotional reaction doesn’t seem to fit the situation, in other words, you have an overreaction to a situation, you’re emotions and reactions are tied up in the past somehow. You’ve stumbled upon an area that needs some healing work. That work is best done with a compassionate and experienced therapist. In the meantime, though, I have created a mindfulness tool to help you exit the dreaded pattern of emotional overreaction.
I love acronyms, so the name of this little jewel is Choose PEACE. Wouldn’t you rather chose peace, than fall in back into the habitual pattern of emotional overreaction, guilt, and shame?
P is for PAUSE (and breathe)
When you start to feel yourself getting geared up, pause and take a deep inhale and an even longer exhale. This sends the signal to your nervous system to settle. It also shifts you out of the automatic response that has held you, hostage, for so long. Bring a gentle and kind awareness to what is happening in your body. It’s likely your body is ramping up to defend and attack. Send a compassionate breath to the tension in your body and let go of the tightness on your exhale.
E is for EMOTION
If you’re dealing with a habitual reaction, it is likely you have several emotions happening at once, so I encourage you to spend a few moments here making room for different feelings to emerge. Start with the most obvious emotions, anger, rage, irritation, or agitation.
Under the very energetic and reactive feelings are usually some softer ones like hurt, disappointment, fear, sadness, or loneliness. See if you can find these more vulnerable emotions that live under reactive feelings.
Dan Siegel says, “name it to tame it.” The simple act of naming your emotions moves your from your lower brain functions (survival response) to higher brain functions, which gives you more control over your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
So often, we run away from, rather moving toward difficult emotions. I encourage you to have an open and gentle relationship with the difficult emotions that all of us humans feel.
A is for ASSIGNED MEANING
When there is a habituated response, a part of you has assigned it a meaning, and it’s usually something negative about yourself. This part of the Choose PEACE process takes self-reflection and is sometimes best explored through journaling, with a trusted friend ,or in therapy. There needs to be the ability and the willingness to look for and find the meaning that you have assigned to the situation. Internally, this can be a story your mind has created that feels antagonistic toward yourself.
Examples of meaning that are often assigned in habituated responses are: I am not important to them. I am not valuable. My needs aren’t important. I am threatened and not safe. I am not respected. I am broken. I am not supported. I am trapped. I am powerless.
After you assessed the meaning that was automatically assigned to the situation, consider an alternative meaning, one that isn’t negatively self-referencing. Doing so not only takes the personal sting out of things, it allows for mental flexibility. It provides the mind a new and different way to perceive situations. For example, if when a friend doesn’t return your call right away, instead operating from the belief of, “I am not important.” you could contemplate the idea that they are stressed and overwhelmed and haven’t found time to call you back. Or something is going on their life that is preventing them from calling you.
C is for COMPASSION
After you find the meaning you have assigned to the situation, extend yourself some self-compassion. It is difficult to feel unimportant, not valuable, or like your needs aren’t important. Have some tenderness for the part of you that is having this experience. When you’re experiencing a habituated response to something, you have a wound that needs tending to, whether you remember getting the wound or not.
Additionally, being held hostage by a habituated reaction makes us feel powerless and out of control. Go easy on yourself. Have a soft and gentle approach with yourself while you are sorting all of this out. “It is really hard to feel powerless over my own reactions. I am going to go easy on myself while I am learning to have a different response.”
Have compassion for the “offender” in this situation. Reflect on how the situation feels different when you consider that their reaction is about them and their inability to cope with stress and not a direct reflection of your self-worth. Take a minute to consider their perspective and what they might be going through in the moment. Internally, extend them a little gentleness for their struggles. Compassion is like you softening the edges to the way you relate to yourself and to others, remembering, we’re all doing the best we can at any given moment.
E is for EXIT PATTERN
Do something, anything different. Do the opposite of your normal reaction. If you normally lean in and argue, then walk away. If you normally yell, turn on the radio and listen to music. I suggest you make a list of things you can do that will be different than your usual reaction. In the meantime, I have started a list for you here:
Walk away
Go outside
Listen to music
Smell something that has a nice scent
Wash your hands
Look at photos
Watch funny videos
Take a drink of water
Look for the color purple inside and outside
Feel the textures around you
Write a journal entry
List all the colors you see right now
Workout
Call a friend
Pet your dog
To get the most mileage out of this practice, I suggest you pick a recent upsetting event and reflect on it by journaling through the steps above or bring it into your mindfulness practice. After you practiced Chose PEACE as a tool for self-reflection, then I suggest using it on the fly during an upsetting event. Doing so will help you slow down and offer you the ability to respond, rather than react.
Here’s a recap for quick reference for Choose PEACE:
PAUSE (and breathe)
EMOTIONS
ASSIGNED MEANING
COMPASSION
EXIT PATTERN
If you would like access to the Choose PEACE cheatsheet click the button below:
If you’re finding it difficult to change your response despite mindfulness practices, such as this, don’t be too hard on yourself. You have some wounds from the past that are being triggered by the situation. You just need to get some extra support from a trained therapist.
Guided Meditation Practices to Help with Difficult Emotions
More on Orlando Therapy Mindfulness and Anxiety
Tools for Anxiety: Calming the Emotional Storm
Anxiety Much? Mindfulness to the Rescue
Discerning the Difference between Danger and Discomfort [a tool to calm anxiety]
Mindful Living Counseling Orlando is a trauma healing center. Our Orlando Therapy Services include anxiety therapy, trauma counseling, EMDR therapy, eating disorder recovery, teen counseling, and healing from toxic relationships. At Mindful Living Counseling Orlando, we use a down-to-earth approach infused with cutting-edge therapies that go beyond traditional talk therapy so clients can heal at the root level and experience lasting change. Feel free to access one of our Guided Meditations to help you feel settled and calm now.
