Breaking up the Healthy Way [From the Experts] Part 3: Grieving

Orlando Counseling Providing Relationship Therapy

Welcome to Part 3 of Breaking up the Healthy [From the Experts]! In Part 1, we talked about the importance of feeling, rather than avoiding, all the feelings that are part of breakup. In Part 2, we discussed creative and empowering ways to channel your energy when going through a breakup. As an anxiety and trauma therapist providing counseling in Orlando, I wanted to create a post where we can discuss the importance of understanding that going through a breakup is a grieving process. Whether the ending of your relationship is from a divorce or a breakup, this blog series has healing tips for getting you through it the healthy way!

Ending a relationship is a loss, even it if it is the right thing to do. It means losing the partnership, the person, and the image of what your future held together. Whenever there is a loss, there is a grieving process. The bad news: the grieving process sucks. The good news: the process gets you to acceptance.

Tremmia Smith, MS, NCC, LPC-S shared the importance of understanding that grieving is multifaceted, and that you will grieve the person and the relationship.  Marriage and Family Therapist, Victoria Scott said that grieving is a process and that it happens over a period of time.

Lauren Drago, MSEd, LMHC, LPC reiterated, “Going through a breakup is a grieving process — you may blame yourself, have regrets, ask “what if?...”and bargain with the powers that be to go back in time and change history... you must give yourself the space to process this grief; and then, you must begin to consider ways to change your thinking and your life in order to open up possibilities for a new future. If you find yourself dwelling on only happy memories, write a list of good and bad things about the relationship. You may realize there was more trouble than you’ve been reflecting on, and forgetting the reasons why you broke up is preventing you from healing. If you’re struggling to heal and find the reasons to move on on your own, seek the help of impartial, supportive friends, or a professional. After a break up, it’s the time to work on your self-worth and self-love.”

The grieving process isn’t free to walk you through to acceptance if you are still holding on to and connected to your ex. If you are continuously checking Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram looking for smoke signals that your ex is still thinking of you, this will only prolong this process. Letting go and allowing yourself to walk through grief can be scary, absolutely. Yet the only way to get to the healthy place of acceptance is to allow yourself move through the discomfort of grief. 

In Part 4, we will explore the importance of taking a sweet moment of self-reflection. In the meantime, let’s keep this conversation going! Please leave a comment with some of your tried and true tips for getting through a breakup feeling empowered and renewed (rather than feeling like you just got hit by a mack truck).

Check out my other posts in this series here:

Part 1: Feel the Feelings

Part 2: Channeling the Energy

Part 4: A Time of Reflection

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Lauran is an anxiety and trauma therapist providing counseling in Orlando, FL. She also specializes in helping people heal old broken relationship patterns that keep them from finding, creating, and keeping healthy relationships with partners, friends, and family. Lauran uses a down to earth approach infused with cutting-edge therapies that go beyond traditional talking to help clients feel calm in their body and mind and find peace within themselves.