Trauma Therapy: Internal Family Systems
Trauma Therapy: Internal Family Systems
Written by: Lauran Hahn, LMHC
Do you struggle with internal conflict that creates anger and anxiety? Does it feel like different parts of you are playing an internal game of tug-of-war? Does indecision and ruminating thoughts keep you up at night? If so, it may be worth your while to do an internal deep dive and see what is happening within.
As an anxiety therapist and the owner of Mindful Living Counseling Orlando, I have helped many clients tame the overwhelm and find clarity so they can calmly and confidently know their next steps.
We All Have Parts
From my perspective, everyone has internal parts or varying aspects of themselves. This is easy to relate to when thinking about the different roles we play in life. We have a part of us that goes to work and another part that takes care of family responsibilities. We have a part that is playful and another part that is serious. We wouldn’t want our joking/playful part to lead an executive board meeting because that part of us is not the best fit for that role.
When we look at having parts of us through this lens, it’s pretty easy to understand. However, things can get a bit more complicated when someone has a traumatic past. This can create internal parts that are more extreme.
For example, if you grew up in a family where your parents were extremely critical, you will almost certainly develop an internal critic that berates you as much or more than your parents did. If your parents were especially critical when you were loud or playful, you will likely have a part of yourself that wants to be playful and another part that shuts that down. This conflict creates an internal push and pull during times when you are compelled to tap into creative play.
On the surface, this internal conflict might feel like anxiety or anger, but when you delve deeper, you can uncover the internal conflict.
Another one of my favorite examples is when people have trouble setting boundaries. With a little investigation, we almost always find a duel between internal parts: the part that is fed up and wants to set a boundary is in direct opposition to the part that feels bad or guilty for setting the boundary.
Internal Family Systems
So, what do we do with all of this? The first step is to understand what is happening internally. As a therapist trained in Internal Family Systems, I will use this framework to help make sense of what is happening inside you.
One of the reasons I love Internal Family Systems is that this model is based on the idea that all people are inherently good and whole. IFS calls this Self-energy. At our core, we are compassionate, kind, and creative beings with the capacity for patience and presence. We lose connection with our truest selves due to pain, suffering, and trauma from our past. We compensate for these wounds by creating parts of ourselves that hold the pain and other parts that protect us from feeling the pain.
Let’s dive into this a little bit more.
Exiles: Exiles are parts that hold the trauma and wounds from the past. These wounds can come from a single-event trauma, like a natural disaster, or from years of abuse or neglect. If the trauma or series of traumas is so intense that it overwhelms your nervous system, your nervous system will automatically shut the pain out of conscious awareness so you can continue living your life mostly undisturbed.
Protectors emerge to prevent you from triggering those wounds of the exiles and feeling the pain. There are two types of protectors: managers and firefighters.
Managers: It is the sole responsibility of the managers to prevent you from accidentally feeling the pain of the exiles. Examples of manager behaviors include over-working, being overly analytical, staying busy, over-exercising, and compulsively caretaking, just to name a few. The key here is that there is an intensity with these protector parts that can feel a bit compulsive, creating a sense of extreme discomfort when they are prevented from engaging in their protective behaviors.
Firefighters: Despite the managers' best efforts, occasionally, the pain can seep through. When this happens, firefighters are deployed to extinguish the pain. Examples of firefighter behaviors include getting drunk or high, gambling, shopping, binge eating, violence, or driving erratically. The telltale sign that a firefighter has emerged is that the behavior feels reactive and impulsive.
Self: Self is not a part; it is who we are beneath all the wounds and protections. It’s the innocence that we were born with. It is our nature to be curious and desire connection. As children, we were naturally playful and present. It wasn’t until things went awry in some capacity that we lost connection with our Self.
The Self is like the sun, and the protectors and exiles are the clouds that block us from the light. Some of us had a tumultuous and stormy childhood, which created a lot of gray skies and clouds. Others had fewer bad weather days and, because of that, can experience the sun more easily. But behind the clouds, for every single one of us, is the sun (the Self).
A Personal Example
When I started my therapy practice, I noticed an internal struggle between two parts of myself. On the one hand, there was a part of me that was highly motivated and driven, pushing me to work long hours and constantly strive for perfection. This part wanted to ensure the success of my practice and I felt a deep responsibility towards my clients.
On the other hand, there was another part that longed for relaxation and personal time. This part felt exhausted and frustrated by the relentless pace, craving downtime and a chance to unwind with family and friends.
At times, these two parts clashed, creating feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. The motivated part would criticize the relaxed part for being lazy, while the relaxed part resented the motivated part for being a workaholic.
When I tapped into my curiosity and Self-energy, I began to uncover the truths and desires of each of these opposing parts. I realized that the motivated part was trying to protect me from failure and ensure my practice thrived, while the relaxed part was safeguarding my well-being and preventing burnout.
By understanding these intentions through the lens of self-energy, which is compassion, curiosity, and calm, I was able to approach both parts without judgment. This allowed me to guide them towards a more balanced approach. As a result, I achieved greater harmony between my drive for success and my need for relaxation, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and sustainable way of living.
What Happens in Therapy?
First, we will identify your goals for therapy. Do you want to feel less anxiety so you can feel calmer and have more clarity throughout your day? Or are you seeking closer connections in your relationships?
Once we understand your goals, we will get to know the parts of yourself that want these goals and any other parts that may be holding you back from achieving them. Once we explore which protectors might be holding you back, we will get to know the exiles they protect. This sort of deep dive might surprise you. It’s not an intellectual endeavor; it’s an experiential and inner relational discovery.
If you’re exhausted from battling internal conflict and looking for a way to tap into your most authentic self, reach out to us for a free 15-minute phone consultation below.
Interested in How Trauma Therapy Helps?
The therapists at Mindful Living Counseling Orlando are always ready to assist you in navigating trauma and addressing any other therapy-related concerns you may have. To get started with one of our counselors:
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Not Ready for Trauma Therapy Orlando?
The team of specialized trauma therapists who are always ready to help. We understand that you may not be ready. If you're interested in learning more about trauma therapy, we recommend checking out the articles provided below.
Trauma Therapy Orlando Resources
Orlando Therapist Explores the Difference between Physical Trauma & Attachment Trauma
Trauma Therapist: Understanding the Window of Tolerance
Types of Counseling: Trauma Counseling
Orlando Therapist: Understanding Therapy Jargon
An Anxiety Therapist Shares Everything You Need to Know About Anxiety
5 Signs You’re Healing from Trauma
3 Uncomfortable Feelings When It Comes to Setting Boundaries
Other Therapy Services Offered at Mindful Living Counseling in Orlando
At Mindful Living Counseling we offer a wide range of therapy services, including Anxiety Therapy, Toxic Relationships, EMDR Therapy, and Teen Therapy, as well as Guided Meditations. If you have any questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to contact us.
Trauma Therapist Spotlight: Lauran Hahn
Lauran Hahn, LMHC, is an Orlando trauma-based therapist who specializes in helping clients who are struggling with anxiety and trauma with her EMDR Intensives. She is a Certified Sensorimotor Psychotherapist, a Certified EMDR Therapist, and an EMDRIA Approved Consultant.