Orlando Therapist Shares 10 Steps to Heal After After a Toxic Relationship
Orlando Therapist Shares 10 Steps to Heal After After a Toxic Relationship
Written by: Lauran Hahn, LMHC
Have you just ended a toxic relationship where you constantly felt like you were walking on eggshells? You never knew what to expect next and felt anxious about what might set your partner off. One moment, your toxic partner might have showered you with love and attention, only to turn cold and cruel the next. Maybe a relationship with them made you feel stressed or emotionally drained. They often used gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or emotional blackmail to control you. They manipulated and played mind games, making you question your reality and worth and feel bad about yourself. Additionally, they frequently violated your boundaries, showing little respect for your personal space or needs.
Sometimes, the most sensible decision is to let go of those who have been harmful to us. However, walking away from a relationship is never easy, no matter how destructive and isolating that relationship was.
As an Orlando Therapist who works with people healing from toxic relationships, I'd like to guide you through ten steps to reclaim your life after a toxic relationship.
1. Ride the Wave
When ending a toxic relationship, what's most important is to make space for ambivalence. Once you end a toxic relationship, you might experience a strong pull to go back in, which is a natural part of the process. Still, you will know that it is coming. By preparing yourself for this urge, you'll be better equipped to recognize it as it comes and resist acting on it. So, in the first days or weeks after ending a toxic relationship, ride the wave—know that the pull to go back into the relationship will eventually end, it will go away, and do not act on any of that. Stay grounded, remember why you left, and hold your ground as you move forward.
2. Lean Into Social Support
The next step is to build a strong support group, whether friends, family, or an online community. This network will be essential when those urges and pulls to return to the toxic relationship arise. Reaching out to someone in your support group can help you get through these intense feelings and challenging moments. In the void of a relationship ending, it's important to have supportive people around you. Now that the relationship no longer takes up so much of your time, you'll need connection and understanding from others. These are the people who can validate your feelings and help you deal with loneliness and emotional distress.
3. Counter Your Self-Doubt
Make a list of all the toxic and unhealthy aspects of the relationship and keep it with you. Whenever you feel unsure, go back to this list. In a toxic or emotionally manipulative relationship, it's common to experience self-doubt. Your ex's manipulative tactics may have damaged your self-esteem and confidence, leading you to question everything about yourself. You might feel a lot of self-blame and shame. Having a concrete list of what went wrong in the relationship can serve as a reminder when you feel lonely or doubtful about your decision to end the relationship. It can also help you stay focused on the reasons why you chose to leave.
4. Abide by the No Contact Rule
If it's been tough to end a relationship and you're feeling a lot of self-doubt, then every form of communication with your ex-partner might create a setback and bring the relationship back into your life. It can also trigger self-doubt, longing, and other difficult emotions. If possible, it's best to have no contact at all, which means no calls, texts, emails, or social media interactions. Set clear boundaries for yourself about maintaining no contact. If your ex was emotionally manipulative, then cutting off contact is the best way to heal from the toxic relationship because any contact can give them the opportunity to manipulate and draw you back into their cycle of manipulation and abuse.
5. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
No matter how toxic, the loss of a relationship can profoundly affect you. Allow yourself to grieve what you had hoped the relationship would become. Grieve the time you invested in a toxic relationship. Give yourself time to feel sad and angry and to experience the range of feelings that come with grieving. It's important to acknowledge the hope you had for the relationship and the time you invested in it. It's also crucial to come to terms with how the toxic relationship may have caused you to lose yourself. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the space and time to accept these losses and the feelings they cause.
6. Find an Outlet
Find an outlet to fully feel and express all of those emotions. Whether it's journaling, blasting your favorite music and dancing around the living room, taking a self-defense or painting class, spending time with friends, exercising, or exploring any other activity that resonates with you—what matters is that you have a way to release and process the emotions you're experiencing. These outlets can help you deal with the complex feelings that come with ending a toxic relationship, allowing you to channel your emotions into creative activities and process them in a healthy way.
7. Seek Therapy
Going to therapy can be another great outlet, but even more than that. Toxic relationship counseling provides a safe space to process all your feelings and go through the grieving process, offering the support you need to unpack the emotional baggage left by a toxic relationship and helping you to understand and make sense of your experiences. A skilled therapist can guide you through the healing journey, offering tools and strategies to rebuild your sense of self, regain your confidence, and find new ways to be happy again.
8. Reflect
Take time to reflect. This is not something to rush, however. Don't move too quickly or pressure yourself because it takes time to get through an immediate loss, and it takes time to process all of the different emotions that might arise. But when the time is right, it's very important to reflect on the relationship and start to see the red flags that were overlooked or missed and understand the patterns of the other person's behavior. You should also look for any red flags within yourself and consider where you may have moved your boundaries or lost yourself. Use this opportunity to reflect on your reactions so that you can learn from this experience.
9. Extend Yourself Grace
After taking the time to reflect, it's important to offer yourself grace. Beating yourself up over past mistakes is unhelpful. Instead, show yourself compassion and understanding, just as you would to a close friend in a similar situation. Self-compassion will help you forgive yourself and heal. Try to understand why it was difficult to recognize red flags and acknowledge how the relationship may have met some of your needs, even if it was unhealthy. Reflection can help you realize that there are healthier ways to fulfill your needs. However, be gentle with yourself during this reflection, as it's easy to slip into feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame. You create space to learn and grow from the experience by showing yourself grace. If you're too hard on yourself, you'll only make a difficult situation even more challenging. Grace is crucial for learning and growth.
10. Put Self-Care First
Focus on boosting your self-respect and self-love, and seek happiness from within. Find inspiration, joy, and peace in your own company. To practice self-care, consider spending time in nature, exploring new hobbies, and enjoying moments of solitude. Ensure you get enough sleep, exercise regularly, practice mindfulness, and nourish your body with healthy, nutritious food. These habits will help nurture your well-being and cultivate a stronger, more balanced sense of self.
Interested in How Therapy Orlando Helps?
At Mindful Living Counseling in Orlando, we offer guidance to help you process those painful experiences and develop healthier coping mechanisms. We'll work together through personalized therapy to build resilience and restore your sense of self. You deserve to find peace and happiness beyond the toxicity.
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Not Ready for Orlando Therapy?
Ending a toxic relationship can leave you feeling overwhelmed. The emotional weight and memories can linger, making it difficult to move forward. It's natural to feel insecure and exhausted, but you don't have to face this alone. Support is available when you’re ready. If you're interested in learning more please review the articles below.
Additional Orlando Therapy Resources
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Orlando Therapist: How to Deal with Passive-Aggressive People
Don't feel emotionally connected? 31 signs your partner is emotionally immature
Therapy Orlando: How to Validate Your Partner for Better Communication
Stop the Blame Game: 9 Steps to Reclaim Your Power
6 Steps to Stop Getting into Toxic Relationships
Other Therapy Services Offered at Mindful Living Counseling in Orlando
We also acknowledge that you may be encountering obstacles, and we are prepared to assist with those as well. This is why we provide a wide range of therapy services, including Couples Therapy Orlando, Trauma Therapy Orlando, Anxiety Therapy Orlando, EMDR Therapy, and Teen Therapy, as well as Guided Meditations. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out to us.
About Orlando Therapist: Lauran Hahn
Lauran Hahn works as a therapist in Orlando, specializing in conducting EMDR Intensives to assist clients dealing with anxiety, trauma, and recovering from toxic relationships. In addition to being a Certified Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and a Certified EMDR Therapist, Lauran is also an EMDRIA Approved Consultant. Lauran's objective is to help her clients achieve a sense of calm within their bodies, find peace in their minds, and establish meaningful connections in their relationships.