6 Tips to Bring the Best You to 2021
6 TIPS FOR 2021 FROM YOUR ANXIETY THERAPIST ORLANDO
Orlando therapist Provides 6 simple steps for implementing a sustainable self-care plan.
Does 2020 have you feeling exhausted, anxious, or worn out? This year has put every person on the planet through the wringer. It taxed our communities, our nation, and our world. Through all the trials and tribulations, this year has compelled many of us to take a stand for things we believe in big and small. If this year is tugging at you to dig deep and make changes personally, politically, or globally, you will need to bring the best version of yourself to 2021.
This article isn’t about how to make New Year’s resolutions, rather this blog post is about how to fill your own tank first, so that you can continue to do the meaningful work you do in a sustainable way. To all the moms, dads, caretakers, providers, and change agents, this article is about you taking care of you!
If you’re going to continue to doing meaningful work, whether it’s personal growth or global change, you must have a self-care plan that allows you to meet more than just your basic physical needs. A sustainable self-care plans includes your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. It allows you to do more than just be “ok.” It sets the stage for you to step into the very best version of yourself.
Self-care is NOT Selfish
As a relationship counselor and anxiety therapist, I notice many people believe filling their own tank first is selfish. We have this go-go mentality to “keep up with the Joneses,” but we blow past the tender parts of ourselves. We ignore our emotional needs, spiritual needs, and physical needs. We essentially turn ourselves inside out… and for what? There is a consequence to all of this nonstop forward motion; it’s called momentum. And this type of momentum leads to burnout and exhaustion.
You know the saying, “You can’t give from an empty well?" If you’re empty, what are you offering to those around you? Self-care has you filling your cup up first so you have more to offer the world. We’ve all felt the effects of being a self-sacrificing energizer bunny. It’s no fun at all. It can lead to a lot of not so pleasant things, like feeling exhausted, anxious, moody, and resentful. Overtime, neglecting yourself can lead to chronic conditions like anxiety, depression, insomnia, and other physical health issues.
It’s time for you to make yourself a priority, especially if you’ve been in the pattern of putting your needs on the back burner. Often times, we minimize our needs in order to keep the family going or the relationship going, thinking to ourselves, “There will be more time for me later.” Unfortunately, later never comes. Creating your sustainable self-care plan is something you will have to do with intentionality. The time will not organically come later on. In fact, it will never come unless you proactively establish it.
“Ok, but where do I start? I’ve tried this before, and it’s just so overwhelming.” I can hear you now. That’s why I have created these 6 simple steps to establishing your sustainable self-care plan. In each step, I’ve outlined an action you can take toward developing and implementing your self-care plan. You’ll notice in each action step, there are both low hanging fruit and pie in the sky action items. These are suggestions to help you take your sustainable self-care plan from an idea into something you can integrate into your life.
1. Identify your needs
We all have needs. That’s a concept most everyone can agree with. Where things can get a bit dicey is understanding the difference between basic needs and dynamic needs, and not undervaluing your dynamic needs.
Basic Needs
Most people can agree that we all have basic physical needs, like food, water, shelter, sleep, clothing, and exercise. Meeting our basic needs ensures survival. There is some variation here in exactly what each individual needs in order to feel physically healthy, but I think we can all agree that meeting our basic needs is important. We need to meet our basic physical needs for survival. If we don’t do these things, we die. It’s pretty black and white.
Dynamic Needs
For some folks, the next category of needs is not so justifiable. When it comes to this category, people tend to undervalue their dynamic needs. Our dynamic needs include the following domains of life: spiritual/creative, social, emotional, intellectual and professional. Meeting our dynamic needs moves us from simply surviving in this world, to actually thriving. If we consistently neglect these needs, we lose interest in our world and life starts to feel mundane and lackluster or we start to feel anxious and edgy.
Action:
Low hanging fruit: Identify your specific basic needs. How many hours of sleep do you need? What type of foods are better for your physiology? What foods should you avoid?
Pie in the sky: Identify what you need specifically in order to meet at least one of your dynamic needs. Do you need a night out with friends once a month? Do you need daily meditation?
2. Understand everyone has different needs
There is some difference in what people actually need in order to meet their basic needs. For example, some people need only seven hours of sleep per night, while others function best on nine hours. Neither person is better or right. Different bodies have different needs for sleep. Additionally, our needs change over a lifetime, so the sleep we needed as a toddler is different than what we need in our 20s, 30s, 40s, and so on. This idea is pretty easy for us to wrap our head around. That’s why I like to start here with basic needs.
There tends to be less validation and more judgement when it comes to our dynamic needs. We all have varying degrees of need for closeness, alone time, creative time, work time, or meditation time. Each individual person will need different amounts of time for these things depending on their personality, their age, and the stressors in their life.
It is completely normal to have different needs than your partner, friends, family, or colleagues. We are all individuals and therefore our needs are unique. Do not try to make your self-care plan match someone else's. Allow your plan to be unique to what you actually need, as an individual person, understanding that everyone's needs are different and they can vary vastly.
Action:
Low hanging fruit: Decipher which of your basic needs vary from the people closest to you. Compassionately give yourself permission to have different needs.
Pie in the sky: Decipher which of your dynamic needs vary from the people closest to you. Compassionately give yourself permission to have different needs. Remind yourself that in order to thrive in this world, you will need to nourish your dynamic needs.
3. Identify your non-negotiable needs
As individuals, we all have non-negotiable needs. It’s easy to identify non-negotiables that relate to our basic needs, like eating and sleeping. But it is a bit more challenging for us to identify our dynamic non-negotiables, like nurturing our creativity or spirituality.
Take time to identify non-negotiables for both your basic and dynamic needs. You wouldn’t think of not eating for a month straight, because your life depends on it. Take the same approach when considering your dynamic non-negotiables, because your happiness depends on it. And if your own happiness isn’t a big enough motivator to create your dynamic non-negotiables, then consider those you care for in your life. The nourished version of yourself will have much more to offer the world than the malnourished version of you.
Action:
Low hanging fruit: Identify your non-negotiable basic needs.
Pie in the sky: Identify your non-negotiable dynamic needs.
4. Schedule it
No one else is going to make your self-care plan a priority. It is up to you. If you don’t do the work, then your needs won’t get met. Schedule it. Put it in your agenda or calendar like any other important appointment. When it is scheduled, it is much more likely you and others will honor your commitment.
It may seem like a challenge to fit your sustainable self-care plan into your busy schedule. But, if you examine how you are currently spending your time, you may find that there are pockets of time that you spend scrolling social media or half watching tv shows (for example), where you could be using that time to carry out your self-care needs.
Managing self-care while also being in a relationship or having a family can be a struggle. It can be a struggle to balance the needs of others along with taking care of yourself, especially for some women. Some women are taught that it is honorable to be self-sacrificing and we are taught to put the needs of others before our own. Because of this, some women may feel that implementing a self-care plan is bad or selfish. It is important to remember that self-care is what will make your busy life sustainable.
Action:
Low hanging fruit: Look through your calendar for the pockets of time where you can add your self-care and schedule it in.
Pie in the sky: Say “no” to something that you know goes against one of your basic or dynamic needs.
5. Recruit the support of your family or community
As Brene´ Brown is famously quoted as saying, “We don't have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.” Involve your family or community. Let them know that you’re starting a new routine and why it is important to you. Set the stage for you to get support from your family or community. Tell them how they can help you and what help or support could look like.
If you live in a household of people, you cannot start a new process that may change some dynamics without involving them. Recruit your family to be your ally in implementing your self-care plan. Besides, they will get a better version of you if you stick with it!
Action:
Low hanging fruit: Have a conversation with your family or supportive circle about your new self-care plans.
Pie in the sky: When having the conversation above, provide them ways that they can help you sustain your self-care plan.
6. Don't expect perfection
Often times, when we try new things, especially when it seems foreign, we are not as successful as we hope. Don’t let a misstep be the reason you throw your whole self-care plan away. These are your needs, they deserve to have a second, third, or fourth chance at being met. If it doesn’t go perfectly, be easy on yourself, give yourself some grace, and pick up the pieces and try again.
Expect that your self-care plan won’t be perfect. Try things out until you find something that works for you. Tending to your self-care needs is not a race, it’s a steady forward movement towards taking care of your mental, physical, and emotional needs.
Action:
Low hanging fruit: Plan ahead for obstacles that might get in the way that will prevent you from implementing your plan.
Pie in the sky: Make a plan for how you will talk to yourself in a compassionate way if you don’t implement your plan. How would you support your closest friend who set a goal and didn’t achieve their goal? Use the same language to support yourself.
Engage in self-care that fulfills your needs - do it for you or do it for the people you care for. Take the time to be intentional about filling up your cup. You deserve it!
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Ready to learn more about Orlando Therapist
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Mindful Living Counseling Orlando is a trauma healing center. Our Orlando Therapy Services include anxiety therapy, trauma counseling, eating disorder recovery, teen counseling, and healing from toxic relationships. At Mindful Living Counseling Orlando, we use a down-to-earth approach infused with cutting-edge therapies that go beyond traditional talk therapy so clients can heal at the root level and experience lasting change. Feel free to access one of our Guided Meditations to help you feel settled and calm now.
