How to Make Difficult Decisions
Orlando Therapist Shares How to Make Difficult Decisions
Are you stuck between a rock and a hard place? Do you feel like the stakes are high and you don’t know which way to turn? Are you feeling anxious at the thought of making a big decision because you don’t like your options?
Let’s face it y’all, as adults, we are all faced with difficult decisions. Whether it feels like the stakes are super high and you’re afraid of making the wrong decision or you don’t like your options, there is a way to navigate difficult decisions when life places you right in front of what seems like an impossible crossroads.
When you Believe you Have No Good Choices
Just because you don’t like your options doesn’t mean that you don’t have any options.
So often I hear people say, “I don’t have any options.” When in fact, a more accurate statement is “I don’t like my options.”
Moving from, “I don’t have any options” to “I don’t like my options” moves you from powerlessness (feeling like a victim) to empowerment and allows you to put all your choices (albeit undesirable) on the table.
When you’re afraid of Making the Wrong Choice
Perhaps it’s the fear of making the wrong choice that has you stuck. Regardless of whether your alternatives are appealing or unappealing, you’re scared to death of making the wrong decision.
Standing at the crossroads of a difficult decision is actually a wonderful opportunity to dig deep and do things that are defining. At this juncture, you are called to do some soul searching and make defining decisions.
Whether you're frozen in fear because you’re afraid of making the wrong decision or you’re stuck in the mud because you don’t like your options, doing a deep dive into your values and consciously allowing your values to inform your decision-making process is a sure fire way to keep guilt and anxiety at bay after you make the dreaded difficult decision.
Understanding your individual values gives you a framework for making decisions especially when faced with a difficult high stakes decision or making a decision when it seems like none of the options are desirable.
As anxiety therapists in Orlando, we see clients who struggle with knowing what they want and making decisions based on those wants. We often work with our clients, through the lens of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to help them understand their core values, prioritize their options, and make aligned decisions.
By limiting options when making decisions to those that fit your values, you are taking an important step to ensuring that your behavior matches your beliefs and the life you want to be living.
Why your Values are Important
Values are typically inherited from your family of origin or your early life experiences. Or as an adult, you may have established your own unique values based on other life experiences. Your values highlight what you stand for. They represent your unique, individual essence. Your values also guide your behavior, providing you with a personal code of conduct.
Being in the face of a difficult decision is a golden opportunity to evaluate and define your values.
When you honor your personal core values consistently, you will experience fulfillment. When you don’t honor your values, you are incongruent and are more likely to escape into bad habits.
In ACT, values refer to activities that give your life meaning. They are like a compass that helps you make choices based on the direction(s) you want your life to go. Your values are who you want to be and what you want your life to be about. When you connect with your values, you are able to move your life in meaningful directions, even in the face of difficult or painful experiences. [2]
Assess your Values
Take a moment to read through the 38 values listed below and prioritize your top ten values. Remember, values are individualistic. They are not what you “should” do but what you hold to be meaningful in your life.
If you’d like a more thorough, in depth description of the values, click here to download Dr. Russ Harris’ complete list of Core Values and their meanings.
1. Acceptance/self-acceptance
2. Adventure
3. Assertiveness
4. Authenticity
5. Caring/self-care
6. Compassion/self-compassion
7. Connection
8. Contribution and generosity
9. Cooperation
10. Courage
11. Creativity
12. Curiosity
13. Encouragement
14. Excitement
15. Fairness and justice
16. Fitness
17. Flexibility
18. Freedom and independence
19. Friendliness
20. Forgiveness/self-forgiveness
21. Fun and humor
22. Gratitude
23. Honesty
24. Industry
25. Intimacy
26. Kindness
27. Love
28. Mindfulness
29. Order
30. Persistence and commitment
31. Respect/self-respect
32. Responsibility
33. Safety and protection
34. Sensuality and pleasure
35. Sexuality
36. Skillfulness
37. Supportiveness
38. Trust
Values and Decision-making
Sometimes when you’re faced with indecision or with decisions you don't like, it can lead to decision-making anxiety because you aren’t able to see how or why you’re making a decision. Having a clear understanding of your values can nudge you in the direction to make a decision that is in alignment with the life you want to live.
“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” - Roy Disney
Making decisions based on your values also alleviates the anxiety of making a “wrong decision.” You make decisions, at the time, based on what is aligned with your values. If in the future, things change (the circumstance or the values), that is okay because you were and are living your life aligned with your values. Re-adjust and move forward.
Plan for the Uncomfortable
Let’s face it, you wouldn’t be reading this article if you weren’t standing at the crossroads of a difficult decision. If you were making an easy decision, you would just pick a path and move forward, but that’s not where you are right now.
Moving onto your chosen path can be a bumpy road. I am inviting you to plan for the bumpy road rather than mistake the rough terrain for a sign or signal that you’ve made the wrong decision.
When you dig deep, discover your values, and allow those values to drive your decisions, you will likely be releasing old ways of being in the world and moving toward a more aligned and evolved authentic expression of your Self. It can be a little scary or even intimidating to move out of the old and into the new. There is a bit of discomfort that goes along with shedding what no longer serves you.
Additionally, whether you’re standing before two options that you love or two undesirable options, you are likely going to feel the pangs of your ambivalence as you head down your chosen path.
You might notice some feelings of loss by not choosing the other path or you could notice some pains of picking the pathway you’re headed down. You will most likely have to work through some discomfort as you move out of ambivalence into decisiveness. This is a normal part of the process.
Remember, discomfort does not signal that you’ve made the wrong decision. It means that you are working through the yuck that had you stuck in the first place.
Steps to Make a Difficult Decision
Assess your values.
Put all your options on the table (even if you don’t like them).
Eliminate options that don’t align with your values.
Determine which options align most closely with your values.
Choose the option that is most aligned with your values.
Know that whichever way you decide to go, you will feel some discomfort and plan for that.
As you can see, values and decision-making drive each other. Values determine the life you want to live and your decisions are made to achieve it. Your decision-making is organized to ensure your personal values are matched.
Looking for Additional Support with an Orlando Therapist?
Sometimes you need a little more than self-help blogs. We get that. If you’re looking for some additional support, we are here to help. We’re offering in-person and virtual appointments. Click here to find out more about counseling at Mindful Living Counseling Orlando.
[1] Values Definition by Scott Jeffrey
[2] https://portlandpsychotherapy.com/values_exercises/
Mindful Living Counseling Orlando is a trauma healing center. Our Orlando Therapy Services include anxiety therapy, trauma counseling, eating disorder recovery, teen counseling, and healing from toxic relationships. At Mindful Living Counseling Orlando, we use a down-to-earth approach infused with cutting-edge therapies that go beyond traditional talk therapy so clients can heal at the root level and experience lasting change. Feel free to access one of our Guided Meditations to help you feel settled and calm now.